Turn Your Grief Into Greatness

The grieving process hurts like heck. Just ask my aunt who lost her son in 1982 when a military plane crashed into the Potomac River. Or my cousin whose son was killed by a landmine in Iraq.
But we have no viable alternative but to face the pain.

If you are dealing with grief right now, you may want to read Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ 1969 book, On Death and Dying. She identifies five distinct stages in the grieving process. You may not experience these stages sequentially, but you will have to face each of them at one point or another. And at times you may even move back and forth between various grief stages.

The first is denial, in which you are in complete disbelief. The second stage is anger, wherein you demand to know why you, of all people, are suffering. This is followed by the third stage, depression, in which you may find yourself withdrawing from people and feeling guilty about past regrets. You may find yourself bargaining with God during the fourth stage, promising that if he would just fix the situation, you would do anything he asks of you. And the final stage is acceptance.

The grieving process is a painful road. But trying to take a detour will just get you lost!
By refusing to mourn your losses and work through the grieving process, you are likely to stay depressed, bitter or angry. Ever felt a dull ache in your chest or stomach? This is frequently the physical result of unresolved emotional pain.

 In contrast, we can find inspiration in the testimony of Dr. Viktor Frankl—a man who turned his grief Into greatness through his book Man’s Search for Meaning,” an enduring work of survival literature. He used his experience as a gift back to mankind.

In 1942, the very year he married his wife, he and his entire family were sent to Theresienstadt, a concentration camp in Bohemia. Amid the daily horrors, the manuscript of his life’s work, The Doctor and The Soul, was destroyed. Then he got typhoid fever.

Despite these traumatic events, Frankl was energized by hope of one day reconstructing his book and being reunited with his family. But when he was finally liberated in 1945, he discovered that his wife, parents, and brother were all dead.

Yet life went on. Though emotionally crushed, the Vienna psychiatrist pressed on by accepting career advancement opportunities. In fact, he got married again and became a father. He also wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, explaining how we all can find purpose in life when faced with pain and suffering.

If ever there was someone who could legitimately feel sorry for himself, it was Frankl. Yet instead of assuming the role of a helpless victim, he made some startling conclusions about our ability to respond to the unfair events of life. “A human being is a deciding being,” Frankl wrote. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In many ways, Viktor Frankl’s greatness wasn’t revealed until it seemed he had lost everything. His most enduring and life-changing discovery was this: “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

And I’m deeply challenged by Frankl’s stunning observation while in the concentration camp: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” As a person who is constantly trying to improve my circumstances, I need to remember this. Regardless of whether I can change my situation, I CAN choose to change my attitude and my perspective.

Viktor Frankl’s life did not end when all hope seemed to be lost. He found a way to serve & and give back to others.  So can you! You may be buried under the weight of crushing loss and pain. You may not know the meaning of your life right now. But pray for the courage to discover it. You may find a life more exciting and impactful than you ever dreamed possible.

What about you?• Think about a time when you felt victimized or faced an unpleasant situation you were unable to change. How did you respond?

• What do you think Frankl meant when he concluded that we have the power to choose our attitude and perspective, even if we can’t always choose our circumstances?
 

Take a Radical Sabbatical

If you had a whole day to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? I’m talking about a day when you don’t have to worry about housework, cooking dinner, paying bills, driving the kids to soccer practice, or checking e-mails from work.  A day when you have no responsibilities at all—zip, zero, nada.

Sound pretty radical? Absolutely. But it also would be life-changing!

Even as a young girl, my daughter Abbie was hard-working and project-oriented. And although she loved spending time with friends and family, sometimes she had simply had enough. Deciding that she needed some “Abbie time,” she would light some candles, take a bubble bath, and then hide out in her room for a day or two. She would hang a big sign on her bedroom door:

ON A PERSONAL RETREAT

Please Do Not Disturb!

Abbie learned that she always came away from such times reinvigorated and full of fresh creativity and passion for life. This was quite an example for her hyperactive, Mrs. Fix-It mom.

As a wellness nurse, I’ve always been great at preaching to others that leisure, rest, recreation and play are crucial to their physical and emotional health. But I’ll admit…this is hard for me, and I’ve often found myself being quite a hypocrite.

During the rare moments of life when I find myself with nothing to do, a little voice tends to pop up in my brain, saying, “Don’t just sit there idly. Get busy and DO something!” At those frequent moments, my dear husband Jim has to remind me that even GOD took time to rest from His work (Exodus 20:8-11). Shouldn’t we as well?!

I hope you can periodically spend a few days at a mountain retreat center or even just follow Abbie’s example and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your bedroom door. But if that’s not feasible right now, how about taking some baby steps? You can take a long walk in the woods, hike to the top of a nearby mountain, spend half a day browsing through books at your favorite bookstore, or taking a few hours at the park to pray, read your Bible, and write in your journal.

Author Stephen R. Covey calls this important process “sharpening your saw.” And maybe you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Well, taking frequent “radical sabbaticals” will keep you from getting a dull blade—or just being dull for that matter!

Your time away from the hustle and bustle of life will allow you to unwind, unclog your brain, and regain your sense of vision and purpose. You’ll be able to connect again with your Master Designer and rediscover His unique design for your life.

Let’s face it: Burning the candle at both ends is a sure path toward early burnout. It’s no accident that the first four letters of the word “restoration” are REST!

So get busy and rest! You’ll be so glad you did.

What about you?

 •            Take a few minutes to write down what you would do on a perfect “radical sabbatical.”

•             Now get out your calendar and figure out when you can block out some time to make this happen. You may need to also explain to your spouse, kids or employer why this is vitally important to you!

 

Stretch Out Your Withered Hand

In the Source this month we are focusing on the life area of Service & Giving back. I have learned that when we feel the least like reaching out, that’s when we need to the most.

During a particularly low period of my life, even the basic activities of daily living were difficult. I found myself just trying to get through each day, plodding along as if in a daze.

Feeling totally burnt out, I continued my part-time job at the hospital, but with low energy and little motivation. Toward the end of my shift one day, I heard a baby crying and went to investigate. To my surprise, I discovered that the baby’s mother stepped out of the room, and the baby had ended up with his feet sticking out of the crib. I lowered the rail, picked up the redheaded three-month-old, and he immediately quit crying.

I will never forget what happened that magic moment. My own pain was forgotten as I reached out to comfort another. Amazingly, as the baby was comforted in my arms, I found myself also comforted
For years I had heard people say that we are often healed as we reach out to heal others—that our needs are met not by focusing our attention on ourselves, but by seeking to meet the needs around us. But until that moment of compassion for a needy infant in the hospital, I had never experienced this amazing principle for myself.

Are you familiar with the story of Jesus healing a man’s withered hand by commanding him to stretch it out? (Mark 3:1-5) The man obediently complied, and in doing so he abandoned the place where he was stuck. His hand was perfectly restored!

What if we stretched out our withered hands, leaving behind our debilitating self-centeredness by giving practical proofs of love? Instead of nursing our hurt and focusing inward, what if we used our energy to help others by making meals for new moms or people who are disabled? What about buying a box of 20 thank-you cards and writing a special note to someone once a week?

My dad recently told me a touching story about this principle. In the early 1940s, World War II was still raging, and Americans faced rationing for the sake of the war effort. There were many hobos roaming the countryside, many of whom were homeless, disabled soldiers who were home from the war. Many of these military heroes had lost legs or arms trying to defend the cause of freedom, and it was gut-wrenching to see them in such a deplorable condition.

Dad shared how his mom, my  Grandma , used to reach out to these hobos in their distress. They would stop by her tiny house, and she would offer them whatever food she had available. Sometimes this was a hot plate or bowl from her dinner, but more often it was just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She would talk with these wounded men and hear their stories as they sat on her back steps and ate.
Grandma had six kids, a meager income, and not a lot of material possessions. But she gave what she had. My grandma couldn’t give the soldiers back their missing legs or arms. But she helped to at least restore some of their dignity. And in the process of helping these needy souls, I’m sure my grandma found some additional peace and solace for her own soul.

So if you are still living with the loose ends of grief or depression, I have good news: There’s hope for your healing. But you’ll probably have to reach out and touch somebody with your formerly withered hand. This may be as simple as calling to encourage someone who’s been down, or it may be as grand as throwing a big party for a friend. Or God may call you to do something you deem impossible.

So what are you waiting for? Even in your weakness, you have the power to make this world a better place.
What about you?

•Write down one or two actions God is leading you to take in order to be a blessing to others in the near future.