When It Hurts, Say Ouch

I’ll never forget the lessons I learned the day little Danny Kasberg fell off the five-foot-high plastic slide on the playground. He and some of the other three-year-olds were being a bit careless, and before I could intervene Danny fell flat on his back with a loud thud. Expecting him to scream out in pain, all eyes turned toward Danny to see if he was OK.

A bit stunned, Danny exclaimed “Ouch” and got up to resume his playing.

There are some profound lessons in this simple story! First, Danny said “Ouch.” So often we feel that we must hide our pain. In some many circles it is seen as a weakness to acknowledge that you are sick, in emotional pain, or struggling.

But young Danny hadn’t learned to “stuff” his pain yet—he said “Ouch.”

Although it was certainly appropriate for Danny to acknowledge that the fall hurt him, he had a decision to make at that point. As he lay on his back and looked around the playground, he could see everyone staring at him to see his reaction. It would have been easy to “milk” the moment and try to get some sympathy and attention from those of us who witnessed his calamity. Yet Danny chose to get up immediately and begin playing again.

In contrast to Danny, many of us fall prey to one of two extremes: Either we refuse to say “Ouch” and acknowledge our distress; or we choose to remain on the ground as long as we can, looking for as much comfort as we can engender. Some of us go far beyond saying “Ouch”—we lie on the ground for hours and wallow in self-pity. We might even suggest that someone call 911 to come to our aid. Danny didn’t know about 911 yet.

When I was about Danny’s age, I tripped on the neighbor’s gravel driveway and cut my skinny knees. At the sight of blood, I screamed like crazy and was combative toward my friends when they tried to help me. Finally, our neighbor Bob Konkel saw my plight, picked me up and carried me home, where my mom bandaged my wounds.

Was I injured? Yes. Did I overreact? Absolutely. Instead of merely saying “ouch,” I was so melodramatic that you might have thought I was dying!

Yet Danny refused to exaggerate his trauma, and he also avoided another common pitfall: He didn’t blame his plight on someone else. How easy it would have been to get into the tattle-tail mode and complain that the whole thing was “Johnny’s fault.” But while blame-shifting momentarily makes us feel better, in the long run it does us no good.

Many people find their life unraveling today because they have not learned Danny’s lessons. Some are stuck because they have never said “Ouch” and asked for healing. Others are lying on the floor, refusing to get up and resume their lives again. And some are stuck because they insist on blaming others rather than taking responsibility for their own mishaps.

The next time you find yourself falling on your back, remember that it’s all right to say “Ouch.” But don’t forget to get back up and start playing again.

What about you?

Do you have a few trustworthy people in your life who you can safely say “Ouch” to when you are really hurting?