Happy Holiday!

Happy Holiday! The Christmas season has finally arrived. We have all known it was coming and observed signs of its arrival in the mall as far back as Halloween.

Let's face it: The holiday season can be a really stressful time. Traffic delays, long lines at the grocery store, budgeting for gifts, hosting and attending parties, dealing with travel and relatives. This can be overwhelming, shifting us into fight-or-flight mode before we even realize it.

I used to run myself ragged and be sick from exhaustion by December 25 each year. I thought I needed to decorate my house top to bottom, put a light show in my yard, bake 12 different types of cookies, participate in numerous outreach events, attend every event and party I was invited to, travel to all my relatives’ homes, purchase the perfect gift (no matter the price) for my long list of friends and relatives, send cards to hundreds people from my past and present—and the list goes on. Instead of enjoying the holiday, I was spreading myself thin trying to please everyone in my life.

How can we reduce the stress and truly make this the season to be jolly? We can start by asking ourselves what is really important to us this season. Is it about the gifts, sending out holiday cards, participating in the parties and events, preparing lavish home-cooked meals and baked goods, planning family travels or outreaches to the needy, or simply relaxing and connecting with friends and family?

We can try to “do it all,” but this will inevitably leave us drained and exhausted. A far better approach is to identify what we enjoy, what fills our emotional tank, and what truly makes this season a time of peace, joy, and goodwill toward others.

When we are at peace with ourselves—finding real enjoyment in the season—we have so much more to give to others.

This year I’ve decided to spend time daily in meditation and prayer. I also want to simplify my decorating, stick to my gift budget, and enjoy my close friends and family. And I am not sure how much cooking I am going to do, but that’s okay.

What about you?

How will you enjoy peace on earth while making your holiday merry and bright!

Gratitudes

I have kept a journal since I was a little girl. It was my safe place to share my thoughts and feelings about life.  My journal has always been a place for expressing joy & happiness as well as sorrow & grief:  a therapeutic place to process feelings and dream dreams. When life became difficult and crazy busy as it so often does, my journal went to the wayside. It became a job, another task to fit into my jam packed day.

I came across a journal entry a few years ago and remembered why it had been so important to me.  I started journaling again, this time I began including gratitude at the end of every entry.  A reinvention of my personal journaling  process. This simple exercise transformed my attitude about life and the situations I worked through in my journal.   I then made it my ritual to include what I call gratitudes in all of my entries.

 My life is still crazy busy, and I didn’t want my ritual to slip away, so I came up with an efficient way to count my blessings.  I write 3-5 gratitudes in my daily planner at the end of each day. This small gesture has created a powerful reminder in my life of how very blessed I am. It brings joy & delight as I reflect upon the simple & profound moments of each day.  And the best part, it only takes a few minutes!

I use a paper calendar now, but my goal is to start journaling electronically. That way, whenever there is a grateful moment, I can note it right on the spot. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that appreciating whatever shows up in life changes perspective. Our energy goes from negative to positive. We generate more kindness towards ourselves and others when we focus on all that we have instead of our have-nots. It is truly one of the best attitude adjusters out there!

What about you?

Take time this month to count your blessings.  Purchase a journal or start an electronic log. Notice how your attitude changes and your joy returns.

Turn Your Grief Into Greatness

The grieving process hurts like heck. Just ask my aunt who lost her son in 1982 when a military plane crashed into the Potomac River. Or my cousin whose son was killed by a landmine in Iraq.
But we have no viable alternative but to face the pain.

If you are dealing with grief right now, you may want to read Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ 1969 book, On Death and Dying. She identifies five distinct stages in the grieving process. You may not experience these stages sequentially, but you will have to face each of them at one point or another. And at times you may even move back and forth between various grief stages.

The first is denial, in which you are in complete disbelief. The second stage is anger, wherein you demand to know why you, of all people, are suffering. This is followed by the third stage, depression, in which you may find yourself withdrawing from people and feeling guilty about past regrets. You may find yourself bargaining with God during the fourth stage, promising that if he would just fix the situation, you would do anything he asks of you. And the final stage is acceptance.

The grieving process is a painful road. But trying to take a detour will just get you lost!
By refusing to mourn your losses and work through the grieving process, you are likely to stay depressed, bitter or angry. Ever felt a dull ache in your chest or stomach? This is frequently the physical result of unresolved emotional pain.

 In contrast, we can find inspiration in the testimony of Dr. Viktor Frankl—a man who turned his grief Into greatness through his book Man’s Search for Meaning,” an enduring work of survival literature. He used his experience as a gift back to mankind.

In 1942, the very year he married his wife, he and his entire family were sent to Theresienstadt, a concentration camp in Bohemia. Amid the daily horrors, the manuscript of his life’s work, The Doctor and The Soul, was destroyed. Then he got typhoid fever.

Despite these traumatic events, Frankl was energized by hope of one day reconstructing his book and being reunited with his family. But when he was finally liberated in 1945, he discovered that his wife, parents, and brother were all dead.

Yet life went on. Though emotionally crushed, the Vienna psychiatrist pressed on by accepting career advancement opportunities. In fact, he got married again and became a father. He also wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, explaining how we all can find purpose in life when faced with pain and suffering.

If ever there was someone who could legitimately feel sorry for himself, it was Frankl. Yet instead of assuming the role of a helpless victim, he made some startling conclusions about our ability to respond to the unfair events of life. “A human being is a deciding being,” Frankl wrote. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In many ways, Viktor Frankl’s greatness wasn’t revealed until it seemed he had lost everything. His most enduring and life-changing discovery was this: “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

And I’m deeply challenged by Frankl’s stunning observation while in the concentration camp: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” As a person who is constantly trying to improve my circumstances, I need to remember this. Regardless of whether I can change my situation, I CAN choose to change my attitude and my perspective.

Viktor Frankl’s life did not end when all hope seemed to be lost. He found a way to serve & and give back to others.  So can you! You may be buried under the weight of crushing loss and pain. You may not know the meaning of your life right now. But pray for the courage to discover it. You may find a life more exciting and impactful than you ever dreamed possible.

What about you?• Think about a time when you felt victimized or faced an unpleasant situation you were unable to change. How did you respond?

• What do you think Frankl meant when he concluded that we have the power to choose our attitude and perspective, even if we can’t always choose our circumstances?
 

Take a Radical Sabbatical

If you had a whole day to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? I’m talking about a day when you don’t have to worry about housework, cooking dinner, paying bills, driving the kids to soccer practice, or checking e-mails from work.  A day when you have no responsibilities at all—zip, zero, nada.

Sound pretty radical? Absolutely. But it also would be life-changing!

Even as a young girl, my daughter Abbie was hard-working and project-oriented. And although she loved spending time with friends and family, sometimes she had simply had enough. Deciding that she needed some “Abbie time,” she would light some candles, take a bubble bath, and then hide out in her room for a day or two. She would hang a big sign on her bedroom door:

ON A PERSONAL RETREAT

Please Do Not Disturb!

Abbie learned that she always came away from such times reinvigorated and full of fresh creativity and passion for life. This was quite an example for her hyperactive, Mrs. Fix-It mom.

As a wellness nurse, I’ve always been great at preaching to others that leisure, rest, recreation and play are crucial to their physical and emotional health. But I’ll admit…this is hard for me, and I’ve often found myself being quite a hypocrite.

During the rare moments of life when I find myself with nothing to do, a little voice tends to pop up in my brain, saying, “Don’t just sit there idly. Get busy and DO something!” At those frequent moments, my dear husband Jim has to remind me that even GOD took time to rest from His work (Exodus 20:8-11). Shouldn’t we as well?!

I hope you can periodically spend a few days at a mountain retreat center or even just follow Abbie’s example and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your bedroom door. But if that’s not feasible right now, how about taking some baby steps? You can take a long walk in the woods, hike to the top of a nearby mountain, spend half a day browsing through books at your favorite bookstore, or taking a few hours at the park to pray, read your Bible, and write in your journal.

Author Stephen R. Covey calls this important process “sharpening your saw.” And maybe you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Well, taking frequent “radical sabbaticals” will keep you from getting a dull blade—or just being dull for that matter!

Your time away from the hustle and bustle of life will allow you to unwind, unclog your brain, and regain your sense of vision and purpose. You’ll be able to connect again with your Master Designer and rediscover His unique design for your life.

Let’s face it: Burning the candle at both ends is a sure path toward early burnout. It’s no accident that the first four letters of the word “restoration” are REST!

So get busy and rest! You’ll be so glad you did.

What about you?

 •            Take a few minutes to write down what you would do on a perfect “radical sabbatical.”

•             Now get out your calendar and figure out when you can block out some time to make this happen. You may need to also explain to your spouse, kids or employer why this is vitally important to you!

 

Stretch Out Your Withered Hand

In the Source this month we are focusing on the life area of Service & Giving back. I have learned that when we feel the least like reaching out, that’s when we need to the most.

During a particularly low period of my life, even the basic activities of daily living were difficult. I found myself just trying to get through each day, plodding along as if in a daze.

Feeling totally burnt out, I continued my part-time job at the hospital, but with low energy and little motivation. Toward the end of my shift one day, I heard a baby crying and went to investigate. To my surprise, I discovered that the baby’s mother stepped out of the room, and the baby had ended up with his feet sticking out of the crib. I lowered the rail, picked up the redheaded three-month-old, and he immediately quit crying.

I will never forget what happened that magic moment. My own pain was forgotten as I reached out to comfort another. Amazingly, as the baby was comforted in my arms, I found myself also comforted
For years I had heard people say that we are often healed as we reach out to heal others—that our needs are met not by focusing our attention on ourselves, but by seeking to meet the needs around us. But until that moment of compassion for a needy infant in the hospital, I had never experienced this amazing principle for myself.

Are you familiar with the story of Jesus healing a man’s withered hand by commanding him to stretch it out? (Mark 3:1-5) The man obediently complied, and in doing so he abandoned the place where he was stuck. His hand was perfectly restored!

What if we stretched out our withered hands, leaving behind our debilitating self-centeredness by giving practical proofs of love? Instead of nursing our hurt and focusing inward, what if we used our energy to help others by making meals for new moms or people who are disabled? What about buying a box of 20 thank-you cards and writing a special note to someone once a week?

My dad recently told me a touching story about this principle. In the early 1940s, World War II was still raging, and Americans faced rationing for the sake of the war effort. There were many hobos roaming the countryside, many of whom were homeless, disabled soldiers who were home from the war. Many of these military heroes had lost legs or arms trying to defend the cause of freedom, and it was gut-wrenching to see them in such a deplorable condition.

Dad shared how his mom, my  Grandma , used to reach out to these hobos in their distress. They would stop by her tiny house, and she would offer them whatever food she had available. Sometimes this was a hot plate or bowl from her dinner, but more often it was just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She would talk with these wounded men and hear their stories as they sat on her back steps and ate.
Grandma had six kids, a meager income, and not a lot of material possessions. But she gave what she had. My grandma couldn’t give the soldiers back their missing legs or arms. But she helped to at least restore some of their dignity. And in the process of helping these needy souls, I’m sure my grandma found some additional peace and solace for her own soul.

So if you are still living with the loose ends of grief or depression, I have good news: There’s hope for your healing. But you’ll probably have to reach out and touch somebody with your formerly withered hand. This may be as simple as calling to encourage someone who’s been down, or it may be as grand as throwing a big party for a friend. Or God may call you to do something you deem impossible.

So what are you waiting for? Even in your weakness, you have the power to make this world a better place.
What about you?

•Write down one or two actions God is leading you to take in order to be a blessing to others in the near future.
 

Healthy Eating Keeps The Heart Beating

As a Wellness Nurse I am passionate about healthy eating. How much food do you need? What kind of food do we need?

The USDA’s My Pyramid food guide provides information about how much of each food group you should eat daily for a healthy balanced diet. To find the amounts that are right for you go to www.mypyramid.gov

Nutrition Tips:

It can be difficult to determine how much of each food group is on your plate. Try measuring out your portion sizes for a variety of foods over several days and compare what you have been eating to the recommended amount. You may be surprised!

For more information visit www.mypyramid.gov or

www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov

> Get healthy fats mostly from fish, nuts, avacados and olive oil.

> Limit saturated fats, trans fats or hydrogenated fats and sodium by checking the Nutrition Facts label.

> Choose food and beverages low in sugars. Added sugars add calories but few if any healthy nutrients.

> Here is a fruit and vegetable example of how easy it is to get what you need: 4 ounces or ½ cup of fruit juice with breakfast, ½ of a banana for a snack, 2 cups of leafy green salad topped with other vegetables for lunch, and ½ of a sweet potato and ½ cup of green beans for dinner. This gives you 5 servings of fruits and vegetables!

> Drink plenty of water, at least ½ your body weight in ounces. Your body needs it, it can help you feel full and it contains no calories.

Track your diet & nutrition:

Use the Daily Health Journal to keep track of how much you eat.

             Record everything you eat and drink each day. Write it down right after eating to be the most accurate.

             Write down the amount, time of day, place and feelings or comments about the situation. This will help you identify patterns in your food intake.

What about you?

Nutrition is one large piece of our health picture. How does your picture look?

Discover the Secret of Serenity

This month In The Source we are focusing on the Life Area of Rest & Relaxation . I have learned this painful  lesson through the school of hard knocks.

Serenity isn’t something that comes easily to me. On a scale of one to ten, there are times I would probably score a negative five! But I’m learning the secret of serenity, and this famous prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr has helped:

 God grant me

the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the Courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

 I have found myself reciting this prayer many times during my life, particularly when encountering difficult circumstances that were out of my control to change. On such occasions, it was easy to feel helpless and hopeless; frustrated that there was nothing I could do to alter the situation. Such times can be hard on anyone, but they are especially exasperating to someone like me, who wants to tie up all the loose ends of life!

 We might as well go ahead and face this fact: It’s simply not in our power to change all the things we would like to change. So rather than spinning our wheels in futile effort or continually knocking our heads against a brick wall, we must accept the things we cannot change.

 In the children’s book The Worry Tree, worry is described as a tomato plant who gets so much attention that it sprouts and shoots out of control, producing more tomatoes than anyone knows what to do with. The author encourages children to create a worry box in which to deposit their anxieties. Then, once a day, they open their worry box and share its contents with a trusted adult, who discusses how each concern will be addressed.

 One reason the Serenity Prayer is so effective is that it brings us back to a realization that we are mere mortals. It reminds us that it is the height of arrogance to think we will be able to change unchangeable circumstances by our own human efforts.

 If you are a praying person, you know the power of unloading your burden to One who is all-powerful.

 Not a praying person yet? It often helps to simply write your worries and concerns on a list or in a journal. Just get it off your chest and onto paper. This isn’t magic, but it often can help make you feel less overwhelmed.

 Embrace the freedom that serenity brings. Yes, bad things will happen sometimes. That’s life. It goes with the territory, and sometimes we simply don’t understand why we go through the things we do.

 But as Reinhold Niebuhr concludes: “The final wisdom of life requires not the annulment of incongruity but the achievement of serenity within and above it.” You see, even though questions may remain, serenity enables us to rise above life’s “incongruities.”

 Worrying today won’t make your tomorrow any better. But it may give you more gray hair and wrinkles.

 What about you?

 •             Take time to create two separate lists. On the first list, write down things you cannot change, but simply must accept. On the second list, write down matters you believe can be changed by the proper effort and perseverance.