Get Out of Jail—for FREE!

Of all the issues that can hinder a person’s life, none are more destructive than broken relationships caused by unforgiveness. Those holding on to offenses toward others will end up in a self-imposed hell and handed over to the tormenting bitterness they carry everywhere they go. This truly is one of the biggest factors in whether we live a happy and productive life.
I’ve had plenty of opportunities to learn the fine art of forgiveness. Sometimes I’ve passed the test, but it hasn’t been easy for me. When someone hurts me, my immediate impulse is to lash out in anger. I want the person who hurt me to feel what I am feeling.
Harboring unforgiveness hurts us more than it hurts the person we haven’t forgiven. Refusing to forgive will put us in a jail cell of torment and keep us attached to the very person we hate. Hard as we might try, there is only one door out of this horrible prison: We need to wholeheartedly forgive the other person. Forgiveness is the key to escape from bondage.
I have given plenty of excuses to justify my failure to forgive someone I think has wronged me. I have argued that I simply don’t have any feelings of forgiveness—but I must forgive anyway. It is not a feeling; it is a decision.
I have also thought that I could wait until the other person had a change of heart and apologized to me. But that usually means waiting a long time! Meanwhile, the pain of the situation just simmers in my heart until I become bitter.
I’ve learned some specific steps that have helped me in the process of forgiving people who have hurt me. First, I remove myself as the judge, recognizing that I have a capacity to do the very same thing as the one who offended me. Second, I feel the hurt of the offense. (If I don’t acknowledge the pain or stuff it, I end up bitter). Third, I forgive and release the other person, not stopping until God’s deep peace fills my heart. I picture His purifying, cleansing water flowing out from my belly to those around me and healing me.
In their book From Age-ing to Sage-ing, authors Zalman Schacter-Shalomi and Ronald Miller provide this great analogy about forgiveness:
When I refuse to forgive someone who has wronged me, I mobilize my own inner criminal justice system to punish the offender. As judge and jury, I sentence the person to a long prison term without pardon and incarcerate him in a prison that I construct from bricks and mortar of a hardened heart. Now as jailor and warden, I must spend as much time in prison as the prisoner I am guarding. All the energy that I put into maintaining the prison system comes out of my energy budget. From this point of view, bearing a grudge is very costly, because long-held feelings of anger, resentment, and fear drain my energy and imprison my vitality and creativity.
So if you’re still locked in a jail cell of unforgiveness today—a cell of your own creation—it’s time to break out!

What about you?
Write a list of anyone who has wronged you, and make a decision to forgive them and release them from the offense. Don’t stop until you experience deep peace and relief in your heart.