Remembering Bootsie at Charley’s Restaurant & Club

I first met Bootsie less than a year ago at a ladies’ getaway weekend at nearby Lake Norman. My friend Linda, who invited me, always spoke of how much she loved her sister Bootsie and how much fun they had together. Well, I love to have fun, so I didn’t hesitate to accept the invitation.

We lounged by the lake, ate together, exercised, shared our stories, and laughed a lot. Whenever Bootsie shared an insight or a story, I was all ears. She was a great storyteller, witty and so funny! She had me in belly laughs so many times that my sides hurt the next day.

   

During the weekend, Bootsie spent lots of time in the kitchen cooking for us. That’s when I tasted one of her signature dishes, the best Macaroni and Cheese in the South! I came away from that weekend feeling like I had known Bootsie my whole life.

The past few birthdays, I’ve been struggling with the shock of turning 50. I’ve been totally caught up in the transitions of an empty nest, menopause, downsizing, and life reinvention. But after attending Bootsie’s funeral last week, my complaining has been silenced. I was sobered by the fact that she won’t be here in her 50s. Cancer cut her down in the prime of life at age 49.

So I’ve decided to replace my complaining with gratitude. I need to be grateful for an empty nest, even if it’s lonely at times; grateful for menopause and all of its 7 dwarfs; grateful for letting go of a huge home and 2/3 of my possessions to live in a smaller, simpler abode; and grateful for the opportunity to reinvent myself and create a wonderful future.

According to Bootsie’s instructions, her  Memorial Celebration  was to be held at Charley’s Restaurant & Club rather than in a church or funeral home. And a Celebration of Life it was!!! With over 400 people, there was standing room only, with an overflow on the sidewalk outside. There were young people, old people, wealthy people, country folk, city folk, business people and bikers. Bootsie clearly had touched a lot of people during her lifetime.

Charley's Restaurant & Club - Gastonia, NC - Night Club | Facebook

www.facebook.com/charleysrestaurantandclub

Her loved ones described her as being a straight shooter with a heart of gold, willing to give you the shirt off her back. She was portrayed as a unique blend of the southern cook Paula Dean, the witty Roseanne Barr, the sassy Madea, and the mischievous Elvira. She loved handing out advice and pearls of wisdom, often to complete strangers she met in the nightclubs where her husband, “Buddy Love,” worked as a DJ.

Buddy Love | Facebook

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Funerals make us face our own mortality. After the slide show and Eulogy, the Memorial Celebration  concluded with the release of helium-filled balloons outside, a fitting picture of letting go of our loved ones when we say good-bye.

Although I hadn’t known Bootsie for very long, the memories will last forever. I want to impact people’s lives like she did. Our loss truly is heaven’s gain.

The F Factor & Blinders

I always thought it was cruel to put blinders on horses, but now I’m having second thoughts. Maintaining a singular focus or what I like to call the F Factor seems impossible for many of us without the benefit of blinders to keep our eyes from straying to the distractions around us. For a person like me, distractions are a particular problem in the pursuit of my goals.

Tennis phenomenon Venus Williams is known for her focus and determination. Throughout her career, this two-time Olympic gold medalist has encountered many hurdles and criticisms, but she’s refused to let these distract her from tennis excellence.

I want the focus and tenacity of Venus Williams. Instead of being worried or distracted by the obstacles in my way, I want to keep my eyes on the goal line for my life. Instead of zigging and zagging through life, I want to take the straightest line to the end zone. I don’t want to let anything or anyone stop me in my mission.

As Americans, we live in a very distracting society. We have responsibilities that are often bewildering and draining: family, job, finances, health, church and friends all compete for our time and attention. If we do not have our eyes fixed steadfastly on the goal line, there will always be people who have agendas for our lives.

A question must be asked when people ask us to participate in a certain task: Would this activity lead me in the direction of the goal line for my life? As German writer and artist Johann Wolfgang von Goethe reminds us, “Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.”

The next time you see a horse with blinders on, remember this:  Blinders are your friend and not your enemy.  By eliminating distractions, you will be amazed at how much clearer the goal will appear.   

            

What about you?

List some of the ways putting on blinders can increase a singular focus or The F factor in your life?

Walk With A Doc This Valentines Day!

I recently heard about a wonderful program for heart patients and potential heart patients through one of my patients. It’s called “Walk With A Doc.” Walk with a Doc was created by Dr. David Sabgir, a board-certified cardiologist who practices with Mount Carmel Clinical Cardiovascular Specialists—at Mount Carmel St. Ann's in Columbus, Ohio, (My hometown).

Dr. Sabgir's walking program is led by doctors all over the country. I can’t think of a safer way to exercise than to have my doctor right next to me on a walk!

Regular aerobic exercise is critical for the health of your heart. You’ve heard it a million times – exercise is essential for good health, for weight loss or maintenance and for optimal mental health. An inactive lifestyle is one of the main reasons why people develop heart disease in the first place, so exercise is a critical component to maintaining a healthy heart! Regular aerobic exercise has many benefits in addition to maintaining a healthy cardiovascular system.

The risk for heart disease increases with age, with men at greater risk than women. The risk for men typically begins around the age of 45, while women seem to be protected up to the age of 55 due to the hormonal benefits associated with menopause.

When considering a heart-healthy exercise routine, it is important to keep in mind the following:

 •Thirty minutes of moderate exercise is recommended everyday, or at least most days of the week. This can be broken down into three 10-minute intervals.

•Exercising with a friend helps you to maintain a regular schedule, makes exercise more “social” and can help sustain motivation.

•Varying your routine keeps your interest level elevated.

•You do not need to join a gym or invest in expensive equipment. Brisk walking, biking, swimming, skating, skiing, rowing, tennis and jogging all count as aerobic exercise.

•Remember to include a five-minute warm-up, (e.g., stretching exercises) before any aerobic activity and a five- to 10-minute cool down period following any aerobic exercise.

•Choose an activity that you enjoy, or learn a new one, to maintain interest in your heart-healthy program. “I personally love power walking.”

•Keep in mind that the best exercise is the one that makes you feel good – and is one that you are willing to repeat again and again on a regular basis.

Consider Walking!

 According to the American Heart Association, walking has the lowest dropout rate of any physical activity. Cardiovascular disease can be controlled through a healthy diet and regular exercise.

Make walking a part of your fitness regimen. If you are looking for accountability and a healthy community consider the “Walk With A Doc” program. You can find out more by visiting www.walkwithadoc.org  Join your doctor and other people looking to improve their health at the next Walk With A Doc event. Ask your doctor for details.

Happy Valentines Day!

Nurse Mary

5 Essentials For Better Health in 2013

Question: What are the most important things I can do for better health in 2013?

Answer: The 5 Essentials, of course!

Health only comes from healthy habits practiced every day. Among the healthiest habits you can cultivate are sleeping well, eating well, enjoying your mobility, reducing stress and remaining clearly focused on your purpose in life.

Sleep

An Irish proverb says you can’t heal if you can’t sleep! Your body repairs itself while you sleep. Your hormones balance themselves while you sleep. Your mind integrates new information with old while you sleep. Even your emotions harmonize during sleep, primarily during your cycles of dreaming.

Humans are diurnal animals – awake during the day, asleep during the night. We need between 7 ½ and 9 hours of peaceful sleep every night. Our room should be cool, dark, quiet and comfortable. We should awaken feeling rested, energetic, optimistic and hungry!

Eat

Speaking of being hungry, food should be a source of joy, not an obsession. We do best when the foods in our diet are predominately plant-based. The more colorful and flavorful the foods are, the better they are for our health.

 

Select a variety of fruits and vegetables. The average size adult should consume between 7 and 9 servings daily. Chew well. Whenever possible, eat your meals with people you love!

Play


I have come to the conclusion that the English language doesn’t contain the right words to emphasize the importance of daily activity. Exercise doesn’t work – that sounds more like a punishment than the meaningful movement for which we were designed. I like the word “play,” but I have to say I am in the minority among my peers when I use it to describe our daily need for activity.

However we choose to describe it, we need to move. We were designed to move. The entire history of humanity up until this generation is a history of movement. The more we move, the more we are able to move and the more we will want to move.

Exercise (what a bad word!) should be a source of joy, not a punishment. We should find a way to play daily for optimum health.

Happy hour

We need a time to unwind every day. Our 24/7/365 lifestyle is killing us. More important, stress makes us miserable and it also makes us miserable company. Find time – make time – to relax and unwind every day, preferably with people you love!

Purpose

Interestingly, people without purpose are among the sickest in the world. Conversely, purpose demands of us that we take care of ourselves. Purpose makes us healthy; it is our reason for being healthy.

Purpose is not defined as what you do. Rather, it is defined as who you are while you are doing what you do.  It is as unique to you as your fingerprint and it would still be relevant to you as an individual if you were born a thousand years ago or a thousand years in the future. Purpose is not defined by circumstance, gender, location or occupation. It is the simple, timeless truth about who you are. People who discover their purpose have the greatest opportunity for health!

Remember, health only comes from healthy habits practiced daily. These habits are bound up in these 5 Essentials for Better Health. Supply yourself with the nutrients and nurturing you need and optimum health will be the outcome!

What About You?

How can you apply these 5 essentials for better health to your life this year?

Getting Unstuck Again

Last year was filled with transitions. It was a year of getting unstuck! Limbo-like situations that hovered over my life were finally addressed and overcome. I am so grateful and enjoying sweet relief. My debt is gone, we downsized and moved into a smaller more manageable home, my 6’4” baby started college at University of North Carolina in Wilmington, I redirected my nursing career after a trial run as a Cardiac Nurse in the hospital, back to my real passion, Wellness Nursing.  I am now working as a Health Coach & Life Coach. I have recently had the pleasure of speaking at the Charlotte Chamber of Commerce on Work-Life Balance.  After being on a short sabbatical, it feels good to get back out into the community, meet new people, and share my gifts with others. I still really miss my mother who passed away in October of 2011; I always will.

Needless to say, I am looking forward to 2013 with expectancy and hope. I look forward to sharing my weekly blog containing snapshots of wisdom from my life.  As a baby boomer I’ve had years of experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly in life. I’ve learned a lot about resilience, boundaries, forgiveness, the importance of health and financial fitness. I love my generation and as a young baby boomer born at the tail end of the boom, I look forward to encouraging those who have gone before me as well as the generations behind me.  

I look forward to sharing about bouncing back, navigating through transitions and so much more.  I will also be blogging about the life areas and challenge areas found in the Source Coaching Curriculum, created by my friend and mentor Kathrine Lee.   Each month we focus on a new life area. This month the life area is “Curiosity & Learning.” 

What about you?

I am curious to know…where do you feel stuck? What do you need to let go of so you can you move on in your life?

Let me know!

Exercise – A Natural High!

When I ran the 26.2 mile Marine Corp Marathon in 2000, I felt totally elated for hours after the race. I experienced a wonderful natural high! I felt so good, I didn’t even notice my tired aching legs until that evening.   Running, cycling, swimming and walking are all great ways to increase endorphin production and feel better naturally.

Want to feel good on a regular basis and just be “high” on life? Then exercise! Exercise releases endorphins in the brain. What are endorphins? They’re the body’s own natural painkillers that produce feelings of euphoria. Not only are they free, but they’re available without a prescription. But be warned: they are habit forming!

Scientists accidentally discovered the “feel good” benefits of endorphins when they conducted studies on drug addiction in the 1970s. They found that the brain produced chemicals that far exceed the strength of opium, morphine or even heroin.

The body releases endorphins during stressful periods and in response to regular physical activity. It’s why someone involved in a life-threatening accident doesn’t feel any pain. In addition, many athletes claim to feel “great” after a particularly strenuous workout session. These can be explained by the effects of these natural brain chemicals. In fact, many who participate in regular exercise programs become “addicted” to it because of the natural high they experience.

Running, cycling and swimming are all known to release feel-good endorphins. If you suffer from depression, are stressed out or just want to feel better, exercise. Take a walk or jog around a local park, jump on a treadmill, lift some weights, do some Pilates, throw on a workout DVD – anything to get yourself moving. Stay with it long enough and you too will become addicted!

I don’t know about you but I am definitely addicted to exercise. It’s one of the best prescriptions for decreasing stress and increasing well-being in life. And the best part, it really works!

What about you?

What exercise do you enjoy doing? 

Big Hairy Audacious Goal & My Blogaversary

Just one short year ago I began a blog. Technically this is my Blogaversary!  I’ve had so much fun this past year writing and have enjoyed the encouragement and feedback from my readers. I plan on Blogging for many years to come.

It has been very fulfilling to achieve this secret ambition that I contemplated for years. Perfectionism stopped me for awhile, but I finally decided to throw caution to the wind and got started.

I love words and I love expressing myself through writing, whether it’s a song lyric, journal entry, article or book. So this modern method of communication is definitely something that resonates with who I am. I get lost in bookstores and libraries. Besides my daily walking ritual, where my creative thoughts flow clearly and my energy is restored, I enjoy reading, writing and research more than any other activity in the world. Time flies when I participate in this sacred endeavor, and I often have difficulty pulling away and moving on to the next necessary life task.

With the one year anniversary of this blog, I have finally recognized my passion, which has been a part of my life since I was a little girl writing in my diary. I finally have clarity about how I’m “wired,” and I’ve launched a sustainable plan for executing and integrating blogging into my busy life. It is a joy to share my life experiences and I love expressing this in the blog format. I am having a blast, connecting and encouraging others, and this feels good! I’m in my zone!

I encourage you to find your passion and do everything in your power to make it happen! It is worth it!

What about you?

What is your BHAG for 2013? Maybe it is a secret ambition that you have been thinking about for years.  I’d love to hear from you!

A Memorable Christmas Eve

A Memorable Christmas Eve

         

What would you say if someone asked you about your favorite Christmas memory? I know I have lots of great memories of Christmas as a kid, but this year I find myself thinking of a Christmas Eve just nine years ago.

As we pulled into our quiet suburban neighborhood in the early evening, driveways were lined with glowing candles in paper bags. This was no ordinary Christmas Eve, full of our usual family traditions. Instead, the candles illuminating our neighborhood that night were in honor of 12-year-old Hope Stout, who was fighting for her life as she battled a rare form of bone cancer.

We parked our car and made our way to the Stuart and Shelby Stout’s home, where more than 150 people had gathered to pray for a miracle for their daughter. Although Hope was too frail to come outside and join us, the front door was ajar so she could hear her candle-holding neighbors offer prayers and sing “Silent Night” and other carols.

Sadly, Hope didn’t get the miracle we prayed for that night. She went to her heavenly home on January 4, not even two weeks after our Christmas Eve prayer vigil.

However, the story of Hope and her family didn’t end there. When approached by the Make-a-Wish Foundation and asked to make a final wish, Hope had told them her wish was to grant the wishes of the 155 other kids on their list. She had mentioned this in an interview with local radio host Keith Larson, and the idea went viral, touching thousands of people with the beauty of Hope’s selfless wish.

One of the people in our chilly Christmas Eve gathering had been Kevin Donnelly, a member of the Carolina Panthers. With Kevin’s help, Hope’s story was featured on nationwide TV at halftime during a Panthers game. Hope’s picture was flashed on the JumboTron screen at the game, resulting in a flood of donations to Make-a-Wish.

Since then, the Stout family has created MarchForthWithHope.com to bring comfort and financial assistance to other kids and families that are facing terminal illnesses. They’ve raised more than three million dollars to help these kids, and an inspirational movie is being produced about Hope’s amazing legacy.

You see, Hope’s story is far from over.

Last week we all were horrified by news of innocent children in Newtown, Connecticut, being slaughtered by a deranged young man. There’s no way to make any sense of such violence, so I won’t even try. But one thing I do know, the stories of these precious children will not end with this tragedy. For there is no pain so great, nor evil so deep, that God can’t turn it around to bring healing and transformation and hope.

Brace for the Final Kiss

My sweet mother passed away on October 18^th of last year. This is her blog…

I received a call from my mom one Monday evening a little over one year ago. In fact, she called me twice, since I missed her first call.

Mom didn’t have much on her mind—she just wanted to tell me she loved me. And I assured her that I loved her too.

I didn’t think our conversation was out of the ordinary until the following morning, when I received an urgent phone call from my brother John. “Mary,” he told me, “Mom’s in the hospital. She wasn’t breathing well in the morning, and Dad couldn’t get her to wake up. So he called the paramedics, and they took her to St. Ann’s Hospital.”

John called me a few hours later with a sobering update. “The doctors say she’s on the verge of dying—maybe in hours or maybe in a week. But there’s nothing more they can do for her.”

I packed up a few clothes and in a little over eight hours—1:30 a.m.—I was in Mom’s hospital room. Although she was lying unconscious and struggling to breath, her face glowed and her skin appeared remarkably smooth and clear, like that of a little child. Oxygen and morphine eased her pain and helped her find some solace.

But Mom was dying.

I felt so helpless. For long minutes, I had no words.

Finally, I pressed closer to the bed, caressed Mom’s face, gently arranged her hair, and grabbed her frail hand. Kissing her on the forehead, I said, “I love you, Mom.” And somehow I felt her loving me back.

I had no idea this would be the final kiss…but it was.

No sooner had I taken John home than we received the dreaded call that Mom was gone. She had passed into eternity mere moments after I kissed her goodnight.

When we got back to the hospital, Dad told us, “Mom had it harder than most, but she did the best she could. Now she can get some rest.”

Some rest. Truly that was what Mom needed. Finding deep rest for our souls is the great antidote to life’s annoying loose ends and lightning bolts. And this is exactly what Jesus promised those who come to Him: “You will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).

In the weeks and months since Mom’s death, my mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts…pleasant memories of her life…how much I miss her...the brevity of life…and my own mortality.

I’ve remembered a song I wrote for a friend’s funeral many years before:

In the laughter of a baby…the sky so clear and blue…the gentle breezes blowing bring remembrance of you.

In the early hours at daybreak…with the passing of each day…in the quiet of the evening I can hear the angels say:

She’s in the hands of God now, in the hands of God, resting safely in His presence and His love.

With the changing of the seasons…realizing we’re apart…when I want to know the reasons for the void within my heart.

I can hear the angels say:

She’s in the hands of God now, in the hands of God, resting safely in His presence and His love.

I once heard someone say, “A goodbye is never painful unless you’re never going to say hello again.” Well, that’s simply not true. It has still been painful to say goodbye to my mom, even though I fully expect to say hello to her again in heaven one day.

But our heavenly hope does indeed help to make the loss easier to cope with. An unknown author made this profound observation: “Missing someone gets easier every day, because even though it’s one day further from the last time you saw each other, it’s one day closer to the next time you will.”

What a beautiful thought! Every day that passes, I’m one day closer to my reunion with Mom and other loved ones who’ve gone ahead of me.

Yes, goodbyes are painful. But when I think of my relationship with Mom, I remember this line from the musical “Annie”: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

And I’m so grateful to know that, for believers, a final kiss is never truly final. As an anonymous poet wrote:

Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end.

They simply mean I’ll miss you, Until we meet again.

I’ll miss you, Mom. But I know we’ll be together again soon—in a beautiful place where there’s no more pain, worry or death.

What about you?

•              Think about friends and loved ones who have died. Have you taken time to put them “in the hands of God” and resolve their passing in your heart? If not, pause for a few minutes to do so now.

•              We seldom know which kiss will be the “final” one for a loved one while on this earth. Make a list of friends and loved ones you need to express your love to.

A Personalized Christmas

I love the Christmas Season! It's the time of year when my home feels the coziest, has the most colorful decorations and smells the yummiest. And I love Christmas music, even if it does start at Thanksgiving or before! I grew up in the snow belt of northern Ohio so most of my early Christmases were snow white, filled with sled riding, ice skating, and sipping hot chocolate by the crackling fire place. It also was a great time for seeing distant cousins or aunts and uncles I had practically lost touch with during the year.

I am also reminded of so many memories from all the years spent raising our children. I even have fond memories of the times when I was a "Zombie Mom" by Christmas day, as I backed dozens of cookies and tried to make everything just perfect for my family. Now that the kids are grown, I'm both missing and enjoying my new "toy-less" holidays. 

I spent most of last Saturday pulling out our decorations and placing them in their spot. Some of them are hand-me-downs, others were gifts and some of them I bought purposefully for a specific place in my home.

This year I’m trying more than ever before to “personalize” my Christmas. Instead of just humming the Christmas carols mindlessly, I’m asking God to make each one truly real in my life. He not only wants to proclaim joy to THE world, He wants to bring joy to OUR personal world. And just as we celebrate His love for the world in sending His Son at Christmas, let’s remember how much He loves EACH of us personally.

This year I’m also reminded that Christmas not only is a great time for fond memories from the past, but it’s also a great time for anticipating the joys and challenges of another year. What are YOU looking forward to in your life in 2013?

What about you?

How are you going to enjoy the holiday this year?

Favorite Things

I love the song My Favorite Things, from “The Sound of Music.” I’ve found myself humming it lately, thinking about MY favorite things this Christmas season.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites. When the bee stings. When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad

If my siblings and I could have added a verse to this song when we were kids, we would have also included some of our favorite toys. Let’s sing along together…

Troll Dolls & Barbies & EZ Bake Ovens

Legos & Twister & Rockem ~ Sockem Robots

Etch-A-Sketch & Hot Wheels & Lite Brite & Nerf

These are a few of my favorite toys!

So what about you? Hopefully you’re not still obsessed with Troll Dolls and Barbies. But what do you truly value in your life? The holiday season is such a great time to reflect on this question and prepare our hearts for a great new ahead.

Happy Holiday!

Happy Holiday! The Christmas season has finally arrived. We have all known it was coming and observed signs of its arrival in the mall as far back as Halloween.

Let's face it: The holiday season can be a really stressful time. Traffic delays, long lines at the grocery store, budgeting for gifts, hosting and attending parties, dealing with travel and relatives. This can be overwhelming, shifting us into fight-or-flight mode before we even realize it.

I used to run myself ragged and be sick from exhaustion by December 25 each year. I thought I needed to decorate my house top to bottom, put a light show in my yard, bake 12 different types of cookies, participate in numerous outreach events, attend every event and party I was invited to, travel to all my relatives’ homes, purchase the perfect gift (no matter the price) for my long list of friends and relatives, send cards to hundreds people from my past and present—and the list goes on. Instead of enjoying the holiday, I was spreading myself thin trying to please everyone in my life.

How can we reduce the stress and truly make this the season to be jolly? We can start by asking ourselves what is really important to us this season. Is it about the gifts, sending out holiday cards, participating in the parties and events, preparing lavish home-cooked meals and baked goods, planning family travels or outreaches to the needy, or simply relaxing and connecting with friends and family?

We can try to “do it all,” but this will inevitably leave us drained and exhausted. A far better approach is to identify what we enjoy, what fills our emotional tank, and what truly makes this season a time of peace, joy, and goodwill toward others.

When we are at peace with ourselves—finding real enjoyment in the season—we have so much more to give to others.

This year I’ve decided to spend time daily in meditation and prayer. I also want to simplify my decorating, stick to my gift budget, and enjoy my close friends and family. And I am not sure how much cooking I am going to do, but that’s okay.

What about you?

How will you enjoy peace on earth while making your holiday merry and bright!

Gratitudes

I have kept a journal since I was a little girl. It was my safe place to share my thoughts and feelings about life.  My journal has always been a place for expressing joy & happiness as well as sorrow & grief:  a therapeutic place to process feelings and dream dreams. When life became difficult and crazy busy as it so often does, my journal went to the wayside. It became a job, another task to fit into my jam packed day.

I came across a journal entry a few years ago and remembered why it had been so important to me.  I started journaling again, this time I began including gratitude at the end of every entry.  A reinvention of my personal journaling  process. This simple exercise transformed my attitude about life and the situations I worked through in my journal.   I then made it my ritual to include what I call gratitudes in all of my entries.

 My life is still crazy busy, and I didn’t want my ritual to slip away, so I came up with an efficient way to count my blessings.  I write 3-5 gratitudes in my daily planner at the end of each day. This small gesture has created a powerful reminder in my life of how very blessed I am. It brings joy & delight as I reflect upon the simple & profound moments of each day.  And the best part, it only takes a few minutes!

I use a paper calendar now, but my goal is to start journaling electronically. That way, whenever there is a grateful moment, I can note it right on the spot. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that appreciating whatever shows up in life changes perspective. Our energy goes from negative to positive. We generate more kindness towards ourselves and others when we focus on all that we have instead of our have-nots. It is truly one of the best attitude adjusters out there!

What about you?

Take time this month to count your blessings.  Purchase a journal or start an electronic log. Notice how your attitude changes and your joy returns.

Turn Your Grief Into Greatness

The grieving process hurts like heck. Just ask my aunt who lost her son in 1982 when a military plane crashed into the Potomac River. Or my cousin whose son was killed by a landmine in Iraq.
But we have no viable alternative but to face the pain.

If you are dealing with grief right now, you may want to read Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ 1969 book, On Death and Dying. She identifies five distinct stages in the grieving process. You may not experience these stages sequentially, but you will have to face each of them at one point or another. And at times you may even move back and forth between various grief stages.

The first is denial, in which you are in complete disbelief. The second stage is anger, wherein you demand to know why you, of all people, are suffering. This is followed by the third stage, depression, in which you may find yourself withdrawing from people and feeling guilty about past regrets. You may find yourself bargaining with God during the fourth stage, promising that if he would just fix the situation, you would do anything he asks of you. And the final stage is acceptance.

The grieving process is a painful road. But trying to take a detour will just get you lost!
By refusing to mourn your losses and work through the grieving process, you are likely to stay depressed, bitter or angry. Ever felt a dull ache in your chest or stomach? This is frequently the physical result of unresolved emotional pain.

 In contrast, we can find inspiration in the testimony of Dr. Viktor Frankl—a man who turned his grief Into greatness through his book Man’s Search for Meaning,” an enduring work of survival literature. He used his experience as a gift back to mankind.

In 1942, the very year he married his wife, he and his entire family were sent to Theresienstadt, a concentration camp in Bohemia. Amid the daily horrors, the manuscript of his life’s work, The Doctor and The Soul, was destroyed. Then he got typhoid fever.

Despite these traumatic events, Frankl was energized by hope of one day reconstructing his book and being reunited with his family. But when he was finally liberated in 1945, he discovered that his wife, parents, and brother were all dead.

Yet life went on. Though emotionally crushed, the Vienna psychiatrist pressed on by accepting career advancement opportunities. In fact, he got married again and became a father. He also wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, explaining how we all can find purpose in life when faced with pain and suffering.

If ever there was someone who could legitimately feel sorry for himself, it was Frankl. Yet instead of assuming the role of a helpless victim, he made some startling conclusions about our ability to respond to the unfair events of life. “A human being is a deciding being,” Frankl wrote. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In many ways, Viktor Frankl’s greatness wasn’t revealed until it seemed he had lost everything. His most enduring and life-changing discovery was this: “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

And I’m deeply challenged by Frankl’s stunning observation while in the concentration camp: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” As a person who is constantly trying to improve my circumstances, I need to remember this. Regardless of whether I can change my situation, I CAN choose to change my attitude and my perspective.

Viktor Frankl’s life did not end when all hope seemed to be lost. He found a way to serve & and give back to others.  So can you! You may be buried under the weight of crushing loss and pain. You may not know the meaning of your life right now. But pray for the courage to discover it. You may find a life more exciting and impactful than you ever dreamed possible.

What about you?• Think about a time when you felt victimized or faced an unpleasant situation you were unable to change. How did you respond?

• What do you think Frankl meant when he concluded that we have the power to choose our attitude and perspective, even if we can’t always choose our circumstances?
 

Take a Radical Sabbatical

If you had a whole day to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? I’m talking about a day when you don’t have to worry about housework, cooking dinner, paying bills, driving the kids to soccer practice, or checking e-mails from work.  A day when you have no responsibilities at all—zip, zero, nada.

Sound pretty radical? Absolutely. But it also would be life-changing!

Even as a young girl, my daughter Abbie was hard-working and project-oriented. And although she loved spending time with friends and family, sometimes she had simply had enough. Deciding that she needed some “Abbie time,” she would light some candles, take a bubble bath, and then hide out in her room for a day or two. She would hang a big sign on her bedroom door:

ON A PERSONAL RETREAT

Please Do Not Disturb!

Abbie learned that she always came away from such times reinvigorated and full of fresh creativity and passion for life. This was quite an example for her hyperactive, Mrs. Fix-It mom.

As a wellness nurse, I’ve always been great at preaching to others that leisure, rest, recreation and play are crucial to their physical and emotional health. But I’ll admit…this is hard for me, and I’ve often found myself being quite a hypocrite.

During the rare moments of life when I find myself with nothing to do, a little voice tends to pop up in my brain, saying, “Don’t just sit there idly. Get busy and DO something!” At those frequent moments, my dear husband Jim has to remind me that even GOD took time to rest from His work (Exodus 20:8-11). Shouldn’t we as well?!

I hope you can periodically spend a few days at a mountain retreat center or even just follow Abbie’s example and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on your bedroom door. But if that’s not feasible right now, how about taking some baby steps? You can take a long walk in the woods, hike to the top of a nearby mountain, spend half a day browsing through books at your favorite bookstore, or taking a few hours at the park to pray, read your Bible, and write in your journal.

Author Stephen R. Covey calls this important process “sharpening your saw.” And maybe you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Well, taking frequent “radical sabbaticals” will keep you from getting a dull blade—or just being dull for that matter!

Your time away from the hustle and bustle of life will allow you to unwind, unclog your brain, and regain your sense of vision and purpose. You’ll be able to connect again with your Master Designer and rediscover His unique design for your life.

Let’s face it: Burning the candle at both ends is a sure path toward early burnout. It’s no accident that the first four letters of the word “restoration” are REST!

So get busy and rest! You’ll be so glad you did.

What about you?

 •            Take a few minutes to write down what you would do on a perfect “radical sabbatical.”

•             Now get out your calendar and figure out when you can block out some time to make this happen. You may need to also explain to your spouse, kids or employer why this is vitally important to you!

 

Stretch Out Your Withered Hand

In the Source this month we are focusing on the life area of Service & Giving back. I have learned that when we feel the least like reaching out, that’s when we need to the most.

During a particularly low period of my life, even the basic activities of daily living were difficult. I found myself just trying to get through each day, plodding along as if in a daze.

Feeling totally burnt out, I continued my part-time job at the hospital, but with low energy and little motivation. Toward the end of my shift one day, I heard a baby crying and went to investigate. To my surprise, I discovered that the baby’s mother stepped out of the room, and the baby had ended up with his feet sticking out of the crib. I lowered the rail, picked up the redheaded three-month-old, and he immediately quit crying.

I will never forget what happened that magic moment. My own pain was forgotten as I reached out to comfort another. Amazingly, as the baby was comforted in my arms, I found myself also comforted
For years I had heard people say that we are often healed as we reach out to heal others—that our needs are met not by focusing our attention on ourselves, but by seeking to meet the needs around us. But until that moment of compassion for a needy infant in the hospital, I had never experienced this amazing principle for myself.

Are you familiar with the story of Jesus healing a man’s withered hand by commanding him to stretch it out? (Mark 3:1-5) The man obediently complied, and in doing so he abandoned the place where he was stuck. His hand was perfectly restored!

What if we stretched out our withered hands, leaving behind our debilitating self-centeredness by giving practical proofs of love? Instead of nursing our hurt and focusing inward, what if we used our energy to help others by making meals for new moms or people who are disabled? What about buying a box of 20 thank-you cards and writing a special note to someone once a week?

My dad recently told me a touching story about this principle. In the early 1940s, World War II was still raging, and Americans faced rationing for the sake of the war effort. There were many hobos roaming the countryside, many of whom were homeless, disabled soldiers who were home from the war. Many of these military heroes had lost legs or arms trying to defend the cause of freedom, and it was gut-wrenching to see them in such a deplorable condition.

Dad shared how his mom, my  Grandma , used to reach out to these hobos in their distress. They would stop by her tiny house, and she would offer them whatever food she had available. Sometimes this was a hot plate or bowl from her dinner, but more often it was just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She would talk with these wounded men and hear their stories as they sat on her back steps and ate.
Grandma had six kids, a meager income, and not a lot of material possessions. But she gave what she had. My grandma couldn’t give the soldiers back their missing legs or arms. But she helped to at least restore some of their dignity. And in the process of helping these needy souls, I’m sure my grandma found some additional peace and solace for her own soul.

So if you are still living with the loose ends of grief or depression, I have good news: There’s hope for your healing. But you’ll probably have to reach out and touch somebody with your formerly withered hand. This may be as simple as calling to encourage someone who’s been down, or it may be as grand as throwing a big party for a friend. Or God may call you to do something you deem impossible.

So what are you waiting for? Even in your weakness, you have the power to make this world a better place.
What about you?

•Write down one or two actions God is leading you to take in order to be a blessing to others in the near future.
 

Healthy Eating Keeps The Heart Beating

As a Wellness Nurse I am passionate about healthy eating. How much food do you need? What kind of food do we need?

The USDA’s My Pyramid food guide provides information about how much of each food group you should eat daily for a healthy balanced diet. To find the amounts that are right for you go to www.mypyramid.gov

Nutrition Tips:

It can be difficult to determine how much of each food group is on your plate. Try measuring out your portion sizes for a variety of foods over several days and compare what you have been eating to the recommended amount. You may be surprised!

For more information visit www.mypyramid.gov or

www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov

> Get healthy fats mostly from fish, nuts, avacados and olive oil.

> Limit saturated fats, trans fats or hydrogenated fats and sodium by checking the Nutrition Facts label.

> Choose food and beverages low in sugars. Added sugars add calories but few if any healthy nutrients.

> Here is a fruit and vegetable example of how easy it is to get what you need: 4 ounces or ½ cup of fruit juice with breakfast, ½ of a banana for a snack, 2 cups of leafy green salad topped with other vegetables for lunch, and ½ of a sweet potato and ½ cup of green beans for dinner. This gives you 5 servings of fruits and vegetables!

> Drink plenty of water, at least ½ your body weight in ounces. Your body needs it, it can help you feel full and it contains no calories.

Track your diet & nutrition:

Use the Daily Health Journal to keep track of how much you eat.

             Record everything you eat and drink each day. Write it down right after eating to be the most accurate.

             Write down the amount, time of day, place and feelings or comments about the situation. This will help you identify patterns in your food intake.

What about you?

Nutrition is one large piece of our health picture. How does your picture look?

Discover the Secret of Serenity

This month In The Source we are focusing on the Life Area of Rest & Relaxation . I have learned this painful  lesson through the school of hard knocks.

Serenity isn’t something that comes easily to me. On a scale of one to ten, there are times I would probably score a negative five! But I’m learning the secret of serenity, and this famous prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr has helped:

 God grant me

the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the Courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

 I have found myself reciting this prayer many times during my life, particularly when encountering difficult circumstances that were out of my control to change. On such occasions, it was easy to feel helpless and hopeless; frustrated that there was nothing I could do to alter the situation. Such times can be hard on anyone, but they are especially exasperating to someone like me, who wants to tie up all the loose ends of life!

 We might as well go ahead and face this fact: It’s simply not in our power to change all the things we would like to change. So rather than spinning our wheels in futile effort or continually knocking our heads against a brick wall, we must accept the things we cannot change.

 In the children’s book The Worry Tree, worry is described as a tomato plant who gets so much attention that it sprouts and shoots out of control, producing more tomatoes than anyone knows what to do with. The author encourages children to create a worry box in which to deposit their anxieties. Then, once a day, they open their worry box and share its contents with a trusted adult, who discusses how each concern will be addressed.

 One reason the Serenity Prayer is so effective is that it brings us back to a realization that we are mere mortals. It reminds us that it is the height of arrogance to think we will be able to change unchangeable circumstances by our own human efforts.

 If you are a praying person, you know the power of unloading your burden to One who is all-powerful.

 Not a praying person yet? It often helps to simply write your worries and concerns on a list or in a journal. Just get it off your chest and onto paper. This isn’t magic, but it often can help make you feel less overwhelmed.

 Embrace the freedom that serenity brings. Yes, bad things will happen sometimes. That’s life. It goes with the territory, and sometimes we simply don’t understand why we go through the things we do.

 But as Reinhold Niebuhr concludes: “The final wisdom of life requires not the annulment of incongruity but the achievement of serenity within and above it.” You see, even though questions may remain, serenity enables us to rise above life’s “incongruities.”

 Worrying today won’t make your tomorrow any better. But it may give you more gray hair and wrinkles.

 What about you?

 •             Take time to create two separate lists. On the first list, write down things you cannot change, but simply must accept. On the second list, write down matters you believe can be changed by the proper effort and perseverance.